Monday, August 31, 2009

How about the power to kill a yak...with mind bullets!

Umm...can I just say...GREAT SUCCESS. I officially beat the system.  Let's just say that not only was I in attendance at Outside Lands 2/3 days this weekend, but I owned it. No money spent (truth). No effort exerted (partial lie...ok complete lie..). Not only did I pay zero dollars for the entire show (which I figure because it's only the second year of the event, they haven't gotten their security down- aka there were definitely multiple ways people could get in without paying a dime. But you know what, we're in a recession, it's just a concert, and hey, it's San Francisco. Plus I've already accepted the fact that I'm going straight to hell...) So yes- not only did I get in, but I barreled my way through the belligerent, bro-infused crowd until I was legitimately front and center. So, picture the Polo Fields. Where the parental units used to take myself and my sister on the weekends to bike, roller blade, play frisbee, and engage in other various sorts of general recreation. (Oh, man. Remember roller blading? Anyway, the Polo Fields were packed person to person. I'm not even going to attempt any sort of mathematics here and try to arrive at any sort of accurate estimation as to the number of people in attendance, so the mental picture I'll eloquently paint for you is such: The Polo Fields And a Fuckload of People. It's funny because I consider myself to be a very- if not overly/annoyingly friendly, polite person- yet something happens when I'm in such a large crowd. Something fundamental shifts deep down within my being where I shed all perspective and overall sense of...I want to say...humanity? Does that sound right? What I'm trying to say is, when in large crowds, I am shameless. Love social loafing. That should be one of my Fbook interests. Or resume qualities. "Social Loafer". Who doesn't love a social loafer. Anyways back to Outside Lands- I barrel past people like it's life or death. This is war. A Dave Matthews war. My mindset is simple: These people are in my way. I am never going to see these crazies again. Using this rationale, my logic process arrives at the conclusion that the Outside Lands attendees are obviously objects to be shoved. And no I don't want another hit. Which I did, in the end. Goddamn I'm good!  

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