Monday, August 31, 2009

How about the power to kill a yak...with mind bullets!

Umm...can I just say...GREAT SUCCESS. I officially beat the system.  Let's just say that not only was I in attendance at Outside Lands 2/3 days this weekend, but I owned it. No money spent (truth). No effort exerted (partial lie...ok complete lie..). Not only did I pay zero dollars for the entire show (which I figure because it's only the second year of the event, they haven't gotten their security down- aka there were definitely multiple ways people could get in without paying a dime. But you know what, we're in a recession, it's just a concert, and hey, it's San Francisco. Plus I've already accepted the fact that I'm going straight to hell...) So yes- not only did I get in, but I barreled my way through the belligerent, bro-infused crowd until I was legitimately front and center. So, picture the Polo Fields. Where the parental units used to take myself and my sister on the weekends to bike, roller blade, play frisbee, and engage in other various sorts of general recreation. (Oh, man. Remember roller blading? Anyway, the Polo Fields were packed person to person. I'm not even going to attempt any sort of mathematics here and try to arrive at any sort of accurate estimation as to the number of people in attendance, so the mental picture I'll eloquently paint for you is such: The Polo Fields And a Fuckload of People. It's funny because I consider myself to be a very- if not overly/annoyingly friendly, polite person- yet something happens when I'm in such a large crowd. Something fundamental shifts deep down within my being where I shed all perspective and overall sense of...I want to say...humanity? Does that sound right? What I'm trying to say is, when in large crowds, I am shameless. Love social loafing. That should be one of my Fbook interests. Or resume qualities. "Social Loafer". Who doesn't love a social loafer. Anyways back to Outside Lands- I barrel past people like it's life or death. This is war. A Dave Matthews war. My mindset is simple: These people are in my way. I am never going to see these crazies again. Using this rationale, my logic process arrives at the conclusion that the Outside Lands attendees are obviously objects to be shoved. And no I don't want another hit. Which I did, in the end. Goddamn I'm good!  

Friday, August 28, 2009

Shh I'm Crashing Outside Lands

So tomorrow marks the beginning of an amazing weekend in San Francisco. The second annual Outside Lands. Aka- huge bands playing in Golden Gate Park over the course of three consecutive days. You'd think, with San Francisco's reputation for being ultra liberal/hippy/earthy, and with the concert slash festival taking place in PUBLIC Golden Gate Park- aaand with Dave Matthews who just for whatever reason seems both liberal and arguably earthy- that this concert would be free. Like the Dave/Santana concert Gili and I went to a million (five) years ago in the park. Except actually it wasn't free now that I think about it. Yeah we snuck in...using one wristband that we used for all of our other friends to get them in too... great times... pretty self-defeating point I just made there...please disregard. What I hope was gleaned from that little story is awe and jealousy at us getting to see both Dave and Santana for free. We are so cunning. Cunning is a great word. Underrated word. I plan to use it more often over the course of this blog nonsense. Anyway, point being- there is absolutely no reason why any nature-loving, messenger bag-with-Obama-pins-toting (see picture), barefoot San Franciscan should have to pay a cent to see Dave, the Black Eyed Peas (rand), Pearl Jam (awesome!), or Jack Black (Tenacious D- hilar. Wonderboy? What I would give...) It is with this conviction, entirely without base, that I plan on crashing said event. Starting...tomorrow. It is a PARK. I will disguise myself. Somehow. Or I will dig a hole. I haven't decided which yet. I will let you know tomorrow. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A.D.D and love for my Mac!

Can I just say...truly this whole job searching nonsense is slowly driving me insane. I keep reading article after article about how 2009 was "the worst year to graduate". It's like...awesome. Why did I not scour Craigslist or MediaBistro earlier in my college career?? Why did I not work on my resume obsessively to have a solid draft ready until this summer? What the fuck have I been doing with my life?? No but honestly, I really have been working non-stop at this. I mean, my beautiful new computer may or may not help significantly. [I am literally OBSESSED with this thing, it's getting to be a bit of a has Sticky Notes! I LOVE the Sticky Notes! And crossing out lists- one of the most rewarding feelings ever...] It's not just that the keyboard lights up at night (like it is right now as I type...oh it's so cute!), or that it is light enough to toss into my bag and carry around (much to my sister's horror)- probs not the safest bet...or even that, unlike my former piece-of-crap 1906 Mac from the Stone Age, my thousands of pictures and songs (which were the first to be uploaded minutes after the official unveiling/unpacking of the laptop) do not thwart the installation and usage of Microsoft Word. Oh wait and it has PhotoBooth. Ohh, PhotoBooth. This could be bad news bears. Wait I went WAY off topic...oh A.d.d...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

steiglitz? everyone's heard of steiglitz!

Two words: Inglorious Basterds. 
Ohh, Tarantino. Saw it today with the sister and father- honestly I laugh internally when I envision just how exactly Tarantino pitched"So I have this vision. The Holocaust. Brad Pitt. Comic books. Killin' nazis." You really could have a drinking game based on how many times Brad Pitt says 'killin' nazis' in various degrees of Tennessee twang. It is truly awesome.

Monday, August 24, 2009

a whole new world

oh my god i finally did it. It's been five years, and in computer-time that age is equivalent to that of a Titanic survivor- (yes, a Titanic reference did just manage to weasel its way into a subject matter it couldn't relate less to) I am blogging from a MacBookPro. I feel like a different person. It's a whole new world. I am now officially one of those unashamedly San Francisco hipsters with the pin-adorned messenger bags and thick-rimmed glasses  who paradoxically hang out in Starbucks and Coffee Bean glued to glossy, paper-thin screens. Except without everything but the paper-thin screen. That I got. It's too beautiful to articulate. What kind of world was I living in before? Everything is fast- I find myself constantly redefining prior notions of laziness. I love this shit. Starbucks here I come. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

what happens in sanibel stays in sanibel

So...I have decided to allow this special picture to take the place of the many, colorful words I could use to describe the insanity that occurred here on the isle of Sanibel, on this day, the 12th of August, 2009. Boats were rocked. Cradles were robbed. Class and standards, class and standards. Sanibel 2009 commences with a bang. The Jewish mafia back in full force predator mode aboard the S.S. Shamelessness'N Booze after a near disaster involving a potentially boatless Sanibel. As the harmonious tones of Lil' Wayne resonated from the boat speakers, the Fort Meyers beachfront was pillaged and surrounding waters morally contaminated.
Great Success.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

hey, kids

First post ever. I feel I adjust my familiar journal tone and adopt a more formal, censored writing style in response to a virtual, potentially ego-crushingly judgmental audience? How do I begin each 'entry'? I do feel this could be an intensely awkward process. Or maybe I'm giving this too much thought. But seriously though, what is the proper blog...etiquette? Is that even the right word? Do I go with "Hey guys" or "What up"?. Yeah no. Unfortunately, I'm going through a strangely random and unprecedented phase in which I involuntarily address everyone as "kids". My sister, parents, friends (both male and female), cousins, my grandma (it happened only once and it was in a text I meant to send to my uncle). I don't know how it happened, how it has endured, or why I keep doing it when its application is repeatedly met with unbridled displays of rage and hostility from its recipients. I mean I'm only trying to embrace the unisex here. I feel the word equalizes and has great potential for becoming a more mainstream form of greeting. "Hey, kid" -could be in reference to a guy or a girl? You don't know! It's safe. It's neutral. It's annoying as shit but I love it.